5 minute
How to Stop being so Hard on Yourself
Do you ever feel like you're so hard on yourself that you can't even begin to be kind? That's OK! We all have our moments. The important thing is to recognize when this happens in your own life, and then learn how to get back into a healthy state of mind.
Let go of perfection
You are not perfect. If you're a perfectionist, this is probably hard to hear, but it's true. There is no such thing as perfect. And when you hold yourself up to that impossible standard, you will be disappointed and frustrated by what inevitably happens: nothing.
And being disappointed and frustrated gets in the way of your ability to achieve goals and do your best work. It also increases your risk for depression, anxiety and stress—all things that make it even harder to achieve your goals or perform at peak capacity professionally.
To stop being so hard on yourself (and others), let go of perfectionism and embrace imperfection instead—starting with being okay with mistakes."
Address the "I feel" messages with "I am" statements
"I feel" statements are like emotional grenades. They're the thoughts that make you feel despair, anger, guilt and shame – even though they don't describe reality.
To change a "I feel" into an "I am" statement, you must use your rational brain to change the subject from how you respond emotionally to what is actually going on in your life. The key here is to see yourself doing things—being something—to help give yourself a sense of agency and mastery over your own life rather than being at its mercy.
Here's an example: You get rejected for a job interview because the interviewer didn't like what he saw in your resume (which isn't true). Instead of saying: "I feel terrible," try changing it into an "I am" statement by shifting from reactive negative emotions ("feeling terrible") to proactive self-improvement ("learning more about resumes").
Recognize your patterns
- You're not alone. Many people struggle with being hard on themselves, but you don't have to be defined by it.
- What is your pattern? Are you constantly saying or thinking things like "I'm so stupid," "I can't do anything right," or "I'm such a dumbass"? Or maybe you are more of a perfectionist, where everything has to be just right for you to feel good about yourself. Maybe it's how often you think about mistakes from the past—and how much those mistakes haunt your present self-perception. Or maybe it's that one thing that makes you feel like an impostor in your own skin: "No one knows who I really am." Whatever it is, noticing these patterns will help shape what comes next when we start working towards change!
Remember self-forgiveness
Remember self-forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not the same as condoning or excusing. It's a gift you give yourself, which allows you to move on with your life without the burden of guilt and shame weighing down on you. Forgiveness can be hard, but it's worth it!
Know your triggers
Knowing your triggers can help you avoid falling into the same patterns of self-criticism. For example, if you tend to berate yourself for lacking ambition when asked about what you want out of life, it's important to recognize this tendency and take steps to avoid letting it get out of control.
- Recognize that triggers are inevitable—but they don't have to dictate how we react or treat ourselves. When we're triggered (i.e., in an emotionally charged situation), our minds and bodies might respond with instinctive reactions that we aren't always aware of at first. In most cases though, we are capable of recognizing these reactions as they happen and making conscious choices based on that recognition—and this is where mindfulness comes in!
- Being mindful means being fully present in every moment without judgment or preconceived notions about how things "should" be going; instead, mindfulness involves accepting whatever happens as it happens without trying to change it or resist what's happening right now (this includes negative feelings). By remaining in the present moment with no judgments attached, we can gain clarity on which thoughts are helpful versus harmful--which ones help us achieve goals versus hinder them--and ultimately make better decisions about our lives moving forward!
Don't push yourself so hard
If you're like me, you probably tend to be hard on yourself. You might feel like you have to be perfect or that there's no room for error. With this mindset, it's easy to get caught in the trap of self-criticism and self-hate—which doesn't help at all. Instead of beating yourself up when something doesn't go right (and it won't always), work with what you've got and give yourself some grace.
You are not a machine! You are human, just like me and everyone else on this planet who strives for perfection but falls short sometimes. That's okay because we're only human after all!
Take a step back from everything that's going on in your life and look at things from another perspective: Is there really anything worth getting upset over? Or is it time instead to take care of yourself?
You can be kind to yourself without lowering your standards
It can be easy to feel like self-compassion means lowering your standards or being less hard on yourself. But in reality, that's not what it means at all.
One of the main ways we are hard on ourselves is by expecting perfection from ourselves and our lives. This leads to anxiety and depression because it creates unrealistic expectations that we can never live up to.
The best way to start being kinder towards yourself is by doing things that make you feel good about yourself without having to change anything about how you look, how much money you make, or any other external factor that comes with being human! For example: Going for a walk every day even if its raining outside; spending time with loved ones who make me smile; watching my favorite show instead of working late at night; sleeping eight hours each night rather than seven because I want more sleep than work; taking care of myself by eating healthy foods versus skipping meals so there's more time for work...
We’re not trying to tell you not to be hard on yourself. That would be impossible, as well as counterproductive. And we know that many of us have had the experience of being very hard on ourselves—and maybe sometimes it feels like we can’t stop. But this is an opportunity for us all to practice self-compassion and make the world a little gentler place. We hope these strategies will help you take this journey with us, and find some peace along the way.
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Taylor Symmank
Meet Taylor -- Taylor is a retired NFL athlete that has been featured in major media outlets including Sirius XM Radio, ESPN, FOX Sports, CBS Sports, Bleacher Report, Dallas Morning News, New York Post, Washington Times, and Sports Illustrated. He has spent time with some of the world's top performers in sports and in business. He aims at helping others break through what is keeping them stuck, so they can become winners in every area of their life. He has also been working with Ryan Stewman side by side for some time now and has been helping individuals continually level up their life.
Meet Taylor -- Taylor is a retired NFL athlete that has been featured in major media outlets including Sirius XM Radio, ESPN, FOX Sports, CBS Sports, Bleacher Report, Dallas Morning News, New York Post, Washington Times, and Sports Illustrated. He has spent time with some of the world's top performers in sports and in business. He aims at helping others break through what is keeping them stuck, so they can become winners in every area of their life. He has also been working with Ryan Stewman side by side for some time now and has been helping individuals continually level up their life.
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