Life Lessons I've Learned About Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those things that almost everyone thinks they understand, but it's way more complex than any of us realize. It's also one of those topics that often gets talked about in spiritual circles without much clarity on what it really means or how to achieve it. I can tell you right now that if you are having issues forgiving someone, there's hope for you on the other side!

Forgiveness is so misunderstood.

Forgiveness is so misunderstood. Many people, including myself, have tried to grasp forgiveness by thinking of it as an event rather than a process. We imagine an ultimatum: either forgive or don't. We think that if we can just muster up the right amount of willpower and determination, then we'll be able to snap our fingers and instantly forgive someone for hurting us—but it doesn't work like that! Forgiveness is not about reconciliation; it's about letting go of resentment and anger toward someone who has hurt you in some way (and sometimes even when they haven't).

When I first started writing this post, I couldn't believe how many times I read articles offering suggestions on how to "get over" your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend and get them out of your system once and for all—until now! Now? Well...

Forgiveness is a process, not an event

One of the most important things I've learned in my studies is that forgiveness is a process, not an event. When we think of forgiveness, we tend to think of a moment when we realize that someone has done something wrong against us, and then it's over. But in reality, forgiveness takes time—and it can be difficult.

I have been working on forgiving my abuser for years now, and every day has been different: sometimes I feel like I'm making progress with forgiveness; other times I feel hopeless. It's important to understand that healing from trauma may take months or even years before you reach a point where you feel ready to move on with your life without having any lingering resentment toward the person who hurt you.

Forgiving someone doesn't mean you excuse their behavior.

- Forgiving someone doesn't mean you excuse their behavior.

- Forgiving someone doesn't mean you forget the pain they caused.

- Forgiving someone doesn't mean you reconcile with them, or that you want to be friends again.

- And forgiving someone does not mean condoning what they did to you—it's up to each individual person whether or not they want to seek legal action against their abuser, and it's up to each individual person whether or not they think that person should be punished for what they've done (or if they've already been punished).

Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, so we can move on from whatever happened between us and this other person in our lives. Sometimes forgiveness means accepting the fact that there will never be closure between yourself and another human being because there is no more contact between the two of you ever again; sometimes it just means realizing how much better off your heart feels when all those feelings of resentment have been released from within yourself!

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting.

It's important to remember that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. In fact, forgiving someone can help you remember what they did and the pain they caused in a way that helps you move forward. It's easy to let go of anger when it no longer serves you; it's harder when there are still lessons for you to learn from the experience. Forgiving someone doesn't mean forgetting about their actions or pretending like nothing happened, but rather it gives you peace and allows for new growth. After all, if we weren't able to forgive people who hurt us in some way or another, then everyone would have trouble moving on from their pasts!

You can forgive, even if the other person never apologizes or takes responsibility for their actions.

• Forgiving someone is a choice that you make for yourself. It's not about the other person, and it doesn't depend on whether or not they apologize or take responsibility for their actions.

• You can forgive without being in contact with the other person. If you're reading this article, this might seem like a stretch—how could I possibly know how to forgive someone when I don't even know who did me wrong? But if you've ever been hurt by someone, there's a good chance the hurt was caused by an email from your boss or an accidental text from your friend; if so, then consider what happened as just one more thing on your list of life experiences (and maybe even fodder for some future blog posts). It doesn't necessarily matter who did what; what matters is that you decide that having hate and resentment towards them isn't healthy for you anymore.

• Forgiveness is a process, not an event.* Forgiveness takes time.* There are no shortcuts here: forgiving doesn't mean forgetting—it means letting go of feelings of anger and resentment towards another person over something they've done or said in the past.* In order to do this effectively we need to ask ourselves two questions: "What does my response say about ME?" And "Will forgiving help ME?"

Forgiveness helps you move beyond the pain that person caused you.

Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you're erasing their behavior from your memory, but it can help you move on and heal.

Forgiveness is a process, not an event. Sometimes forgiving someone takes months or years of working through your feelings and learning to accept what happened to you. It's not something that should be rushed or forced; if it happens naturally within the span of your life, then great! But if it doesn't come easily for whatever reason and you find yourself still struggling with bitterness years later (as I did), it's okay to seek out professional help for guidance on forgiveness so that healing can begin again.

Forgiveness does not mean excusing someone's behavior or pretending like nothing happened—that would be denying yourself closure! Instead of focusing on how hurtful someone was towards us, we should focus instead on all the good things about ourselves that make us worthy of love and self-respect: kindnesses we've done for others in our lives; talents/skills we possess; acts of compassion towards others in need...

Forgiveness isn't a sign of weakness or stupidity.

I've heard people say forgiveness is a sign of weakness or stupidity. I've also heard people say they had to forgive someone who hurt them so they could move on from their past. Neither of these things are true.

Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation, and it doesn't mean that you have to be friends with the person who hurt you, but it does mean that instead of harboring resentment towards this person and letting them keep holding power over your life, you can let go of that anger and bitterness by forgiving them for what they did—and then move on with your life knowing that person won't be able to mess up any more parts of your existence.

Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation.

It's important to remember that forgiveness is not reconciliation. In fact, it can be healthy and good for you to decide not to have a relationship with someone after they've hurt you. Forgiveness is about the person who was hurt, not the other person — it's about forgiving yourself and moving on from whatever happened.

A lot of times people think that if they forgive their ex or others who have wronged them, then the other person has no choice but to make amends or reconcile with them again. This isn't necessarily true; even though you may choose to forgive someone for their actions against you (and yourself), there are still many reasons why this might not happen:

• The two of you were never close friends before your breakup/argument/etc., so there wasn't much of an emotional connection between the two of you in the first place

• You don't want or need anything from this person anymore (and vice versa) and therefore no reason for reconciliation

• They are apologetic but won't change how they behave toward others in future situations

Forgiving doesn't mean there won't be consequences for the other person's actions.

Forgiving doesn't mean there won't be consequences for the other person's actions.

There are many different types of consequences that can be applied in situations where forgiveness is a necessity. For example, you may need to seek counseling after being physically assaulted by a friend or family member because forgiving them doesn’t mean you have to remain friends with them. It also doesn’t mean that the person who harmed you will get away with their actions without facing any kind of penalty at all; there could still be legal ramifications depending on the severity of their crime against you (see below). Consequences might also include financial penalties like reparations and/or punishments imposed by an employer if someone in your workplace behaves inappropriately towards you and causes harm as a result.

It's important to understand forgiveness in order to properly heal from emotional wounds caused by others.

Forgiveness is a process, not an event.

When we do something wrong, in the heat of the moment, it can be very difficult to see how we contributed to our own suffering. However, if you want to heal from the emotional wounds caused by others and move on with your life without anger and resentment getting in the way of your happiness, then forgiveness is essential. The first step towards forgiveness is understanding what it really means - forgiving someone doesn't mean that you excuse their behavior or forget about what happened (and it also doesn't mean you have to restore your relationship). Forgiveness simply means that you let go of your anger against another person... letting go doesn't mean forgetting though! It's important that people understand that forgiving others will not automatically repair broken relationships; there are still consequences for actions people take which hurt us emotionally or physically.

If you're struggling with forgiving someone, it's important to remember that this is a process. It doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't mean that you've forgotten what they did to you. But if you want to move on with your life, it's an important step in the right direction.